Story Clarification

So I realized that I said, "he's doing it again" in my last post, and may not have fully expounded on what it was he was doing. So this post is a bit dated, going back to when the Gremlin was crawling. He was independent even then, with his various escape attempts and other escapades. Well, after baby-proofing the house, it would happen that either the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin) or DOTG (Dad of the Gremlin) would step out of the room to grab a phone, snag a bottle, burp cloth, or something of the sort.

When we would do these things, right after he started crawling at about 8 or 9 months, we'd always hear a thump right when we'd walk back into the room. It didn't matter where we were, if we were in the Gremlin's room, in the living room, in the kitchen, or at someone else's house. We naturally became concerned rather quickly, and set up a control.

One day, while the Gremlin was in his room, the DOTG got up under the guise of getting a phone (that's right, we had to set up a fake reason to get him to do it - he wouldn't do it otherwise). I left the room and stood at the door, leaving it just under halfway open. As I watched, he looked around to see if I was in the room, and then stood up. He walked over to his table and turned around, when I opened the door. He saw me, and dropped back down to his knees with a 'thump.'

For almost a week our son had not only been walking, but deliberately hiding it from us.

He Can Totally Read

He's doing it again. While most children delight in advancing, proving competency to their parents, and showing up their friends, the Gremlin has decided to do exactly the opposite. After spending weeks and weeks repeating various books we've read to him, we're just now finding out that he's picking up a few things here and there. His grandmother came in town from California over Thanksgiving, and brought him whiteboard flash cards that also had traceable letters for things like cat, dog, boy, girl, etc... and he's been putting them and his vocabulary to good use. We're glad he's finally doing this, because before these cards, we had only our suspicions.

Like when we were walking into Half Priced Books last month and the Gremlin pointed to a sign, asking what it meant. When his mother told him it was an emergency lane for rescue vehicles, he corrected her, "Momma, it's a fire lane." But when we asked him to repeat it, he talked about how he wanted to go look at the books. And then again at the bank he again asked for a sign to be read at the ATM. Again, when the word 'bank' was omitted, he corrected his mother, and then refused to bring it up again.

Already Outsmarting Us

So this morning the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin), and the Gremlin decided they needed chocolate and went to Dunkin' Donuts. The MOTG ordered a chocolate donut and the Gremlin ordered a regular donut with chocolate frosting. Needless to say, he was so good on the way home that he was awarded his donut early, and finished it before they made it into the apartment.

I should explain that we live up 3 flights of stairs, and no matter what time of year it is, everyone is always sweating by the time they get all the way up the stairs. So the MOTG puts the Dunkin' Donuts down on the window sill by the couch and goes into the kitchen to get milk, a towel, and various other Gremlin-related cleaning/feeding items.

"Hi Mommy!" She looked down to see the dark little face staring up at her.
"Wow, I didn't think you had that much chocolate on your face before."
"Mommy, I need to show you something!" He took her by the hand and started pulling her into his room.
"Buddy, I need to get you cleaned up and settled so I can sit down and relax."
"No, Mommy! I need to show you something now!" And he pulled her into his room and sat the MOTG by his train tracks.
"Okay, Momma. Wait right there."

So the MOTG waited. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes she realized the Gremlin had closed the door when he left, so she scooted over and cracked it open. This was just in time to see the Gremlin stuff the last bite of her donut in his face.

"Hghf, Mgrhfmma!"

The look of shock on the MOTG's face must have said it all, because the Gremlin spit out the half-chewed bite.

"Mfg, sorry Momma! I share with you." After the chocolate-stained hands and face of the the Gremlin had been cleaned, the MOTG sat on the couch and started trying to regain her composure. The Gremlin walked himself out of the bathroom and sat down in time out. Even after his mother called for him to come over, he stood up, went into her purse, picked out a $10 and came back over.

"Here you go, Momma, we can go back to Dunkin' Donuts!"

"I smell something!"

The Gremlin pushed his trains into the living room the other day - he's super excited about Thomas, and all the things that go with it. He was leading, of course, with the one that made noise. Daddy foolishly bought "James" (his favorite, according to the Gremlin) not realizing it not only lit up, but also made "chuff chuff" noises when the wheels turned AND (even better!) made whistle noises when you pushed the button on the top of it.

James was immediately followed by Lady (the Gremlin's favorite, according to him), who was purchased when the 'Baba Fairy' came, but that's another story (specifically, the one before this). Right after lady was Percy (his favorite - are we seeing a pattern here?), and another train came along with the coal cars.

Well, James' train came in, and immediately had to "park." Of course, the parking moved depending on where Mommy and Daddy were, and today, it was right behind my feet. After a brief, but logical discussion of where to park ("James has to park there." "But my feet are there." "Okay, move them!" "That was not a nice way to ask, and I was here first." "Please move them?" "Buddy, I was here first. You need to get used to sharing things and space with people." "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"), the Gremlin calmed down and decided to try his other train. ("Coal car has to park there." "Sigh.")

Attempting to plead his case, the Gremlin scaled the couch to show Daddy that they were both at the same level. Halfway up the couch, the Gremlin froze. He smiled, and dropped into his father's lap.

"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"I love you sooooo much!"
"Thank you, buddy, I love you too."
"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"Daddy, I smell something." Uh-oh.
"What do you smell?"
"Chocolate." Dang!
"Really?"
"Can I have some pleeeeeeeeeease?"

That's right, he smelled Oreos on my breath, and managed to score cookies out of it.

New Trains

So we had an interesting experience last night. We have been agonizing over an upcoming milestone for quite a while - the Gremlin relinquishing that age-old item of comfort and security: the pacifier.

These fonts of power had been a cornerstone to both the general comfort, and sleep cycle of the Gremlin - they worked overtime as an all-purpose tool. Won't stop crying when you put him to bed? Pacifier. Scrapes his knees and won't calm down after Mommy kisses it better? Pacifier. Want him to be quiet in the car? Pacifier. Want to know how crayon got on the ceiling? So do we.

So two days ago we began telling the Gremlin that because he was such a big boy, he was going to have to give his pacifiers to the Pacifier Fairy who would come and leave him a toy in exchange. We were planning on doing this sometime in early to mid-October, and began telling him last week in preparation for the monumental task that we felt we were about to face.

So last night he looks at his mother and says, "I ready. Here are ba-ba's (pacifiers). Ba-ba Fairy going to bring me a TRAIN!" This was news to the Ba-ba Fairy who hadn't even been able to go look at what trains were available yet. The Ba-ba Fairy made it to Timeless Toys just before closing time while Daddy stayed home and watched the Gremlin (aka played Fallout 3 and tried to keep a running dialogue to ensure consciousness as the Gremlin isn't allowed in the room while Fallout is on due to language. Both mine and the game's). The people at Timeless Toys were so gracious about keeping the store open just a few minutes later and helping the Ba-ba Fairy pick out a train that she purchased a track set as well. (And though it is doubtful this will ever be read by them, thank you so much again!)

And then, at bed time, the ritual occurred. The pacifiers were put in a bag (he insisted on "Lisa's Bag" from the Blue Sky Bakery across the street), and left right outside the front door. After bedtime there was a bit of trepidation from the Ba-ba Fairy about leaving a Thomas set right outside our door until it was pointed out that the only other person who might even see it was our 30-ish neighbor, and even that was doubtful because he usually uses the back door.

The Gremlin went to bed without any pacifier-related issues and he awoke early and content in the morning. He had been playing with his toys until both parents were up, and finally, when both were awake enough to process where the coffee grounds went and get that started, we reminded the Gremlin that the Ba-ba Fairy leaves treats when things like pacifiers are given up. He excitedly ran to the door and tore open the package.

"Oh, I'm not sad anymore!"

Empathy

So the Gremlin - as devious and frustrating as he is -- contains a surprising ability to empathize with anyone over anything. Case in point - my wife broke one of her prized Mexican fruit bowls this afternoon. She was pulling a pan out from the top of our pot rack when a lid that was on top of the pan she was moving slipped down and landed cracked the medium sized green bowl into 4 nice pieces.

The Gremlin, more surprised by the sound than anything else, jumped and looked over at his mother. It was only after she gasped and picked up the broken bowl and pieces that the ear-splitting Cry of Despair started. And then the Gremlin chimed in too. Even when his mother was only mildly upset, he started bawling:

"I WANT MOMMY TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW!" he wailed, tears streaming down his face, his sad little finger pointing at the offending pieces. It was only after we'd promised him we would get some Super Glue and put the pieces of the bowl back together that he finally stopped bawling.

Computers

I suppose it was inevitable, with a father who worked in IT, for the Gremlin to start picking up on computer terms, but a few weeks ago, the Gremlin entered a whole new world: the internet. He walked up to his mother the other day and said:

"I want to go to PBSKids.org."My wife was so astounded that she booted up the computer and went to the site, where the Gremlin was able to play games featuring characters like Clifford and Curious George. Now it's a regular occurrence for the child to have 'internet time' with mommy.

Love

So my wife played an unfortunate game with the Gremlin the other day. She should know by now that playing him, you always lose.

"AJ, how much do you love daddy?"
"Five!"
"Um, okay, out of how many?"
"Five!"
"I see. How much do you love mommy?"
"Two!"

I'm hoping she talks to me today - yesterday was very quiet in our house.

No Head Start For You!

So today, the Gremlin visited the Taste of Chicago. After scarfing down two ears of corn, a hot dog, and some funnel cake, the Gremlin returned to the Family Village to wreak some havoc. After staying in the "bouncy house" for so long that one of the directors had to come over and ask that he get out, the Terrible Two Year Terror spotted his second favorite thing: free stuff.

He barreled over to the table and began talking up the woman behind. Once his mother caught up with him, she found out that the woman was an official of the Head Start program in the Chicago Public School System. Upon finding out the age of the Gremlin, she began talking about Head Start, and how it worked and how it would be beneficial. During the boring conversation, the Gremlin had one goal: schwag.

He really wanted one of the toys they were handing out, and was pointing to it insistently. Finally, after realizing that his mother was more concerned about his education than the once-in-a-lifetime possibility of getting a free toy, he chimed in.

My Wife: "Hi, sorry about him grabbing like that."
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, it's no problem, we're here to attract kids about his age."
My Wife: "Yeah, I've heard of Head Start, but never really knew what it was. What do you do?"
Head Start Advocate: "Head Start is really for kids to start to get the basics - the alphabet, numbers, and things like that." It was at this point the Gremlin realized that the focus was no longer on the toys, and he'd have to speak up if he wanted it.
The Gremlin: "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Please I can have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, we also teach other things like potty training, and-"
The Gremlin: "I go peepee in the potty! PLEASE can I have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, I guess you're a little old for our program, then."
The Gremlin: "I two and half. Now I can have that? Please?"
Head Start Advocate: "You're two? I don't think you want that honey, it's for five to seven year olds. Here, you can take a look at it."

She handed my wife a form at the same time she handed him the toy he wanted. It was a clear cube, with an arced piece of metal or plastic going to opposite corners, forming a dip. In the middle of the arc, was a single hole. On one side of the arc was a metal ball, the purpose being the cube can be rotated to get the ball into the hole in the arc.

Head Start Advocate: "He's two and he's already potty trained?"
My Wife: "Yeah, he did it himself, he'd get really upset if we didn't take him to the bathroom when he had to go - he refused to go in his diaper."
Head Start Advocate: "That's extremely impressi-"
The Gremlin: "All done!"

He set the cube on the table, the ball resting in the hole, and started looking underneath the sign they'd draped over the table. The Head Start Advocate took the sheet out of my wife's hands and said,

"Just put your email address here, you'll receive information on the Gifted Programs offered by the City."

AJ At The Fire Station

It was a glorious day for the Gremlin. Not only was he able to go downtown on the train, but then he had his class, and even after that the Gremlin went to lunch with Daddy! It was an amazing and exhausting day, that got even more amazing.

Coming back from the fountain where he lunch with Daddy, the Gremlin was looking around and saw a recessed area surrounded by scaffolding. It intrigued him, and he was determined to see what was in ... oh look, a bus!

They were almost up to the bus when he saw it out of the corner of his eye. The Fire Truck. He leapt towards the shiny red and black vehicle, causing his father (whose shoulders he was on) to arc violently over and almost crack both their heads open. Once he was on the ground, he immediately sprinted towards the open bays, stopping just short of actually going in. He was so excited he was breathing in huge gasps, and even more so after a young fireman waved the Gremlin in.

"Come on in!" If only the fireman knew what he was getting into, he may not have been so welcoming, however the Gremlin was ecstatic and wasted no time in running up to both. He stared up at the black and red behemoth, his head just barely coming up to the top of the tire.

It was here the fireman made his egregious error. He asked the Gremlin if he wanted to sit in the truck and play with the lights. The Gremlin put all of the athletic prowess he contained into climbing up the truck as fast as he was possibly able. The fireman was so impressed, he let the imp climb, and got in on the passenger side - leaving the keys in the ignition.

And it was the little string that hung from the ceiling that did it. As the Gremlin climbed up to get to the fireman and where he was pointing, he grabbed onto that string for support, letting the full blast of the horn echo throughout the station and into the city.

"Whoa!"
"Hey!"
"Oh!"
"Ha!"
"What's that?!"

The blast of the horn was immediately followed by a rush of firemen, and the Gremlin stared as they slid down the pole and came through various doors to see what the commotion was. Of course, he thought this was a noise that *made* firemen, so before the poor young fireman who put him in the truck could reach over and pull the keys out (as he was attempting to talk to the firemen next to him to explain what was going on), the impish boy let another blast trumpet through the station.

The chaotic scramble that followed was hysterical to the Gremlin, who giggled as he watched the various firemen attempt to reach him and the horn, only to do such interesting things as trigger the lights, siren, and some odd hissing noise that we weren't able to place.

We left the fire station shortly after, the Gremlin even getting a coloring book given to him by a real fire man! Of course, now he thinks that he can climb into any old fire truck he sees on the street, but that's a story for another week.

Following Directions

So every once in a while, I will try my hand at the culinary arts in an effort to reduce the stress on the rest of the family - give everyone a little break from "the normal routine." While I can't comment on the level of stress before/after I cook (read: before/after I create a mess), it's really interesting to see how the Gremlin responds to this shake-up.

For instance, last night I was doing a chimmichurry steak when I had a little "pouring malfunction" with the olive oil. With the Gremlin and his mother on the couch, I saw the opportunity to allow a small cleanup window. I spoke to the Gremlin,

"Keep your mother out of the kitchen for at least 5 minutes!" Without any debate or question, the Gremlin began asking his mother to help him draw, assemble a puzzle and *gasp* clean! When the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin) wanted a glass of water, the 2-foot wall of steel was in front of her, "No, no, momma, I get you water from MY kitchen! Sit! Sit nice!" He herded her back to the couch and headed to his room.

Of course, this was more than enough time for me to clean up the olive oil (but not enough to clean up the various spices that covered the rest of the kitchen). So when the MOTG finally made it into the kitchen, I'd managed to clean about half of the mess that had previously been in there.

*Gasp* "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN?!" Immediately after the wail emerged from the MOTG, another came shrieking from the Gremlin's room.

"NO MOMMA! NO KITCHEN!" The Gremlin came streaking in like a toddler to sugar. He didn't know why, but he was upset that his mother was in the kitchen. Fortunately, a few words from daddy let him know it was okay for her to be in there.

You know, except for the mess.

Language Barriers

The other day the Gremlin was released upon the park for several hours, in an attempt by his parents to actually get him to sleep - or act in any way, shape, or form as if he was not a living ball of energy. Various other parents in many different states of cleanliness (or not) to release their children as well, and the Gremlin was ecstatic to have other people to play with who could actually keep up with him without yelling at him to not jump in the house every 2 minutes.

So after a rousing game of "chase" around the playground equipment, the Gremlin wanted to show one of the other boys something he'd seen across the playground. He ran over to the boy and took hold of his hand. He tugged on the boy's arm and said, "come here! Come on!" He repeated these a few times before falling silent. He turned and looked at the boy, and a lightbulb went off in his mind. "Vamos!" And he and the boy went off together across the playground.

Fearless

I'm convinced he will be a mafia enforcer. The Gremlin came back in full force yesterday. He had been digging at the park - his bucket and pail having been dutifully lugged the three blocks to the park where there was sand almost as plentiful as the beach.

The Gremlin has been showing some anti-social tendencies lately, but his mother and I believe this to actually be a phase - the child is gregarious most of the time. However, he was playing quietly alone this time - excavating on the other side of the bridge than the other kids when disaster struck in the form of a seven year old.

The towering trunk of post-toddler terror teetered over the tiny tot. Without a word, the bully snatched the pail out of the Gremlin's hands. The Gremlin was taken aback, "That's mine!"

"Well, I'm using it now," the seven year old retorted.
"May I have my pail please?" the Gremlin only asks once.
"No!" as soon as the words left the bully's mouth, the Gremlin responded. He used both hands to shove the bully to the ground. He twisted the pail out of the startled kid's hand, and stepped up the length of his body. As he stood above the bully, straddling his shoulders, he slowly reached down, and slapped him across the face.

As the Gremlin went back to his digging the now conquered bully approached his mother, who was perched on a nearby bench bouncing with laughter. She restored my faith in both humanity, and her parenting by cutting him off before he was able to get to her.

"You were mean to that boy, even after he asked nicely!"

Trend Setter

So for the second time in a row my son has started a trend in footwear.

In the fall my wife was wandering through a Fleet Feet looking for a pair of boots when she noticed a pair of sneakers that the Gremlin would love (yes, apparently the women's boots and boy's shoes are intermixed at Fleet Feet. Probably a marketing decision :). Seeing as how he already had a pair of Cookie Monster fluffy sandals, she figured he would also like a pair of New Balance (see all the name drops? That's right, I'm trying to drive revenue so click the links!) featuring everyone's favorite sweet tooth.

A matter of days later she was sick of going outside with the Gremlin while he was wearing them due to all the questions of where she got them (on sale too). This culminated one day at his play group where one of the moms actually took his shoes and put them in her purse. (And then claimed to not speak English. Fortunately enough, the Gremlin's mother is bilingual.)

It was a relief for the summer to come, because of course the summer requires sandals. So during a trip to Marshall's, we settled on a pair of Spongebob Squarepants Crocs for him. He loves his 'crucks' so much he insists on wearing them everywhere, and continuously gets compliments and requests as to where they were purchased. Again, on sale.

Trike!

So the Gremlin was recently fortunate enough to become the proud recipient of a new tricycle (courtesy of Grandma). I'm very fortunate in that both his mother and I believe in limiting the amount of material possessions he has - over his last birthday and Christmas, he not only enjoys them, but also enjoys everything he gets. He might not play with everything all the time, but he goes in spurts - trains for a day or two, kitchen for a few days, coloring books in between, Play Dough for a bit. His mother and I are waiting for the day that he gets a new toy, and then almost immediately gets sick of it.

That day almost came last Thursday when he got his trike. After spending half an hour assembling the parts, we lug the trike down three flights of stairs (with no shortage of bruised shins), and the Gremlin - giggling with delight - hops on the trike. We turn to go east down our block, and he begins to pedal - his father faithfully pushing him along. The trike trundles past the hair salon, over the bumps where the sidewalk meets the street, and across the gravel. The upslope to the next sidewalk was a little tougher, but was finally overcome. We made our second turn down the block at which point the Gremlin - wonderful child he is - stands up in his seat, pulls his leg over and says, "All done!"

Maybe he caught both of his parent's looks of exasperation, maybe he was jealous of his father attempting to take his seat, but the Gremlin quickly decided he was not finished, and rather rudely elbowed the grown man attempting to sit in it out of the way, and proceeded down the block. Crisis averted.

May You Have An Interesting Life

Several cultures consider the wish for someone to have an interesting life, journey, etc... to be a curse as they desire nothing more than to have a nice, quiet life; and interesting events are usually things going wrong. I have thus been wishing for my friends to have intelligent and interesting children.

Anyway, I woke up this morning to a happy child. The Gremlin, with all the "interesting" aspects he brings into our lives, is a generally happy child. We've been going over basic emotions so that we can get him to verbalize his feelings and help us figure out what may be wrong with him when he starts crying. He's very adept at using (agreeing or disagreeing) them to help us figure out what a problem is, though this is usually after he gets upset about it.

So I walk into the kitchen this morning in time to hear the Gremlin, who is on the floor with his mother looking at the letter magnets we have on the fridge say, "Momma, I make Dada happy!" I started laughing at how cute it was, and he pointed and said, "See, Momma?!"

As I was almost ready to head out the door, sitting on the couch putting my shoes on, the Gremlin brought in his lunchbox. As it was a slightly less sturdy brand (Crap-Tek), and the metal bracket connecting the handle to the box had bent. All I did was put it back on the track and bend it back in shape, but as soon as I did, the Gremlin started clapping and saying, "Good job, Dada! Good job!"

I smiled as I got up and went to my backpack that he'd dragged right outside his door, when I noticed a screwdriver sticking through the slide-hole on the door where the lock can be turned from. He's back to picking locks...

Athleticism

So neither my wife or I believe the Gremlin will ever play football or baseball, even basketball is doubtful. He's extremely athletic and we think that he will be good at sports, but we don't believe he has the attention span to play especially the more structured games.

I personally want to get him into wrestling - a new favorite pastime of the Gremlin's in "big bed" (mommy and daddy's bed) - however it is certain that he enjoys sports. In addition to the wonderful "Go Bears!" or "Go Blackhawks!" or "Go Fire!" phrases that he runs around the house chanting (at least he hasn't learned any of the more colorful verbage for referees I'm always worried I'll use around him without realizing it), he's able to recognize random sports he hasn't seen before on the TV.

We were flipping through the channels last night, and the Bulls-Nets game was on. The Gremlin immediately jumped to his feet and began stuttering (as he does when he gets very excited) "I wannoo- I wannoo- I want to watch this!"

So he learned a new phrase - "Go Bulls!"

(Apparently, he also pays attention enough to - as he was wearing his Thomas Jones jersey to the park the other day - have "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" be his response when asked how he felt about the Cutler trade.)

Touchdown!

The Gremlin is excited about the upcoming Draft, and decision by Lovie to hold an early mini-camp.

Locks And Picks

So the Gremlin was wreaking havoc the other day, and in a desperate attempt (wait for it, you'll see) to keep him occupied, I brought him to the front closet, sat him down, and pulled out: the locks we changed when we first moved in.

That's right, I had the brackets, the deadbolt, the cylinder, and the knob. Two sets were spilled out on the floor, and I showed him how the lock cylinder has a flat stick that went through the bolt and into the knob so that when either the knob turned or the cylinder was turned by the key, the bolt slid over.

So not only was he then obsessed with how it worked, but I decided to show him the fully-assembled deadbolt on the front door as I'd removed the lock to his room before he could ever so conveniently lock himself in there, and how each turned internally. And sadly, I forgot the most important thing about the Gremlin - his amazing power of internalization and learning.

As it was time for the Gremlin's nap, I neglected to take any further precautions. It was only later that night after I put him to bed and was closing his door on the way out that I noticed his door wouldn't close. Upon further inspection, the bolt on the lock had been extended. The interesting thing was that I'd removed the lock (the easy turn mechanism for the bolt) just after AJ started walking - over a year ago.

He realized that you could stick something (like a key, or possibly even a pen with enough torque) into the hole where the knob used to be, and turn the square inside it and allow the bolt to come out, or:

He understands completely how locks work, and picked his first lock.

2 years, 5 months ladies and gentlemen.

When You Gotta Go...

The Gremlin has been enrolled in yet another swimming class. While we haven't seen the original instructor after that class ended, swimming has enthralled the Gremlin to the point where he is able to locate, un-stow, take into the pool, and stand up on the surfboard. He also greatly enjoys climbing out of the pool, turning around, and jumping back into the pool.

So the other day he and his mother were at free swim. Attempting to at least try to keep him above water for an entire session, his mother was holding him under his arms, facing out, when she noticed that he had stopped kicking, splashing, everything.

Worried that something had happened, she turned him around. His eyes were closed and his head was lolling off to the side. She quickly swam to the side and pulled him out of the pool at which time he opened his eyes and said, "More swim, Mama?" and promptly ... fell back asleep. That's right, he had fallen asleep in the middle of the pool at 10am on a Saturday.