Wisdom Of A 3 and 1/2 Year Old - On Lying

"Okay, buddy, we missed Daddy's birthday, so we're going to celebrate it tomorrow. What do you think he wants?"
"Momma, give me the phone. I call Daddy." Gremlin retreats to his room and closes the door.
"Okay Momma, Daddy wants a firetruck cake. Chocolate. And-uh-the Lego Fire Truck Station!"
"Is that the truth?"
"Yes, but as long as you don't ask him. Are you going to ask him?"
"Yes I am buddy."
"Okay, then he wants it now so it's here before he gets home. I go get the keys. Momma, is it lying if you don't check?"

My Little Foodie

The Mother of the Gremlin was given passes to How To Train Your Dragon (the Gremlin says "thanks Pa-Pa!"), and when the MOTG goes to a movie, it's usually an excuse to stock up on popcorn. This particular theater had kiddie-packs, and gave the Gremlin popcorn, a drink, and a treat for $5, so the MOTG purchased two - claiming her other child was in the bathroom.

The Gremlin, staying true to form, devoured his popcorn during the previews, and turned to the MOTG.

"Mommy, will you please share your popcorn with me?"
"No buddy, you had your own."
"Yeah, but it's all gone, so will you share that with me?"
"But you didn't share any of yours with me."
"I'll share some of that with you now."

The Gremlin soon found himself stymied as the MOTG would not give up her popcorn, and sat quietly, but popcorn-less through the rest of the movie.

Later at the store, the Gremlin - getting more independent every day - took his own basket and began buying 'his groceries.' This included a banana (a surprisingly ripe banana with a blue Dole sticker on it), a container of chocolate covered pretzels, 'daddy pop,' sugar, and a grapefruit. There was a minor clash of wills when it was time to check out, but the Gremlin soon focused on getting his regular treat from the store, and selected the chocolate covered pretzels.

As soon as they were home, the Gremlin asked for something to eat. With the time growing closer and closer to dinner, the MOTG told the Gremlin he needed to eat something healthy, to which the Gremlin immediately responded by asking for the chocolate covered pretzels. When the MOTG refused, the Gremlin pulled out the container and pointed to the sticker he had removed from the banana and stuck to the pretzel container that said, "The healthy choice."

Just Another Day At the Store

The Mother of the Gremlin was at the store this week, after she had this exchange with the Gremlin.

"Momma, can I have some yogurt?"
"Sorry buddy, we're out."
"Momma, can I have a cookie?"
"No, buddy, we don't have any."
"Momma, can I have some milk?"
"I think we're all out."
"Fruit?"
"Yeah, we ate all those too, buddy."
"Momma?"
"Yes?"
"Can we go to the store tomorrow?"

So the MOTG left the little darling in the cart and began to go down her list. Everything was going well until they reached the bread aisle. The MOTG, being health-conscious, picked up a loaf of wheat bread. The Gremlin stood up and pointed.

"I want this one." He pointed off to the loaves of white bread.
"No, buddy, we're getting this one." If there's one thing the Gremlin doesn't like, it's being told 'no.' He set his feet, put his hands on his hips and started yelling. The darling said - I kid you not -
"Woman, I'm sick of this healthy stuff! Get me some chocolate I need a candy bar!"

This turned more than one head, and as the Gremlin continued to rant, an older woman walked over to him and asked if he was being a good boy. He stopped crying, no trace of a treble in his voice and looked up at her.

"I don't need to be good - I'm adorable. And a genius."

The Gremlin lost that argument, but with his one treat he chose Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. They ended up at the checkout, where the MOTG was approached by a man, staring amusedly at the Gremlin. Apparently he was a spectator at the Gremlin's meltdown in the bread aisle, as he spoke to the MOTG.

"So he won this round, huh?"

When they finally made it home, the MOTG parked and unhooked the Gremlin from the car seat. He immediately asked to be carried inside. The MOTG looked at him.

"Buddy, you have to walk so that I can carry groceries." The Gremlin considered this momentarily and then countered.
"Or momma you can carry me and I can sit and watch TV while you go back for the groceries."

I'd like to say that the MOTG won this battle, but that would be a lie - especially after the meltdown in the bread aisle. At least the Gremlin was quiet while she finished bringing the groceries in...

Already Outsmarting Us

So this morning the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin), and the Gremlin decided they needed chocolate and went to Dunkin' Donuts. The MOTG ordered a chocolate donut and the Gremlin ordered a regular donut with chocolate frosting. Needless to say, he was so good on the way home that he was awarded his donut early, and finished it before they made it into the apartment.

I should explain that we live up 3 flights of stairs, and no matter what time of year it is, everyone is always sweating by the time they get all the way up the stairs. So the MOTG puts the Dunkin' Donuts down on the window sill by the couch and goes into the kitchen to get milk, a towel, and various other Gremlin-related cleaning/feeding items.

"Hi Mommy!" She looked down to see the dark little face staring up at her.
"Wow, I didn't think you had that much chocolate on your face before."
"Mommy, I need to show you something!" He took her by the hand and started pulling her into his room.
"Buddy, I need to get you cleaned up and settled so I can sit down and relax."
"No, Mommy! I need to show you something now!" And he pulled her into his room and sat the MOTG by his train tracks.
"Okay, Momma. Wait right there."

So the MOTG waited. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes she realized the Gremlin had closed the door when he left, so she scooted over and cracked it open. This was just in time to see the Gremlin stuff the last bite of her donut in his face.

"Hghf, Mgrhfmma!"

The look of shock on the MOTG's face must have said it all, because the Gremlin spit out the half-chewed bite.

"Mfg, sorry Momma! I share with you." After the chocolate-stained hands and face of the the Gremlin had been cleaned, the MOTG sat on the couch and started trying to regain her composure. The Gremlin walked himself out of the bathroom and sat down in time out. Even after his mother called for him to come over, he stood up, went into her purse, picked out a $10 and came back over.

"Here you go, Momma, we can go back to Dunkin' Donuts!"