He Found His Calling

So my son, the child who loves to cook, bake, and do anything and everything with food including, eat, play and watch (cookies, yeast, etc...), has found his calling:

Mafia Enforcer.

This was very apparent at the beach the other day when he was playing with his bucket, filling it up in the lake and pouring it out in the dry sand. At one point, a 7-year-old walked up, smacked the bucket out of his hand, took it, and departed with it.

While the MOTG went and remedied the situation, after she had returned the bucket to her son and was looking for the person supervising the child, she noticed something. Whenever the Gremlin doesn't want you to see what he is doing, he stares at you with that look on his face. When he got this look on his face staring at his mother while walking to the water, she figured he was just upset and going back to play.

However, while unobtrusively keeping her eye on him, she noticed the Gremlin fill up his bucket, return to the 7-year-old, coolly tap him on the shoulder, and proceed to cover him in ice cold Lake Michigan water. The 7-year-old was stunned into silence.

After approaching my wife, the bully became upset when she told him that he shouldn't have started in with the Gremlin (and the bully's mother agreed).

Orgo Moms

So this post isn't so much about the Gremlin as it is about an encounter he precipitated in the store the other day. When the child is around grownups, he gets extremely shy and reserved. However, when he is around children, he goes nuts - feels totally comfortable joining in whatever they are doing (even if not invited).

It was in this way that he made a friend in the grocery store a few days ago, a small child who was also relegated to staying within a close proximity to their mommy and not able to pick anything up. The two met in the aisle, and once the mothers realized their children were playing, they both stopped to allow the children to socialize.

Discussing their carts, as they were in a grocery store, my wife mentioned that she was choosing very healthy items for her child and family. the mother, very pleased with her self, responded.

"Oh, yes, and it's all organic as well. That's why all the kids are having trouble these days, all the synthetic pesticides and fertilizers that are used in making these foods." My wife smiled and nodded, but the noticed something interesting.

"So if you believe so much in natural bacteria, why do you have all those bleaches and sanitizers?" The woman stared at her for a few seconds, then scooped up her child as she blushed down the aisle.

The Emperor Gremlin

Wild Goose Chase

My captors gave me outdoor time today. After years of whining, I was finally allowed to feel the grass underneath my feet again. Why, I can't remember the last time I had been outside, it must have been yesterday. It seems like forever.

But I digress. I awoke in my cage, as the persons who call themselves "Mommy" and "Daddy" know they cannot contain me any other way. After waiting patiently for hours on end, I finally was forced to impress upon them to feed me. While hurling the contents of my cell did not seem to have much effect, I screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could. These interminable forces, these 'parents,' felt it necessary to reinforce their position of power by waiting several more hours to come investigate my plight.

Once they finally decided to remove me from my cage, they continued to pin me, the woman carried me with her to the torture device known as 'the high chair.' Due to the indignity of being hoisted around like a sack of potatoes, I decided to make them both pay, and decided to see how many different surfaces I could put my breakfast on without leaving the high chair. I got 8, a new record for me.

Finally sated and at full capacity with my meal, I went to finally prove my dominion over the leader, this 'Daddy,' once an for all. Upon opening the door to his lair, however, the woman absconded with me back to the room that houses my cage. Curses!

It was there that, to my surprise, I was outfitted for wilderness travel. Shod and hooded, 'Mommy' proceeded to hustle me out the door (myself doing all the heavy lifting, as usual), where we then began the death march to that ethereal place she always refers to as, 'the park.'

It was on this march that my best chance to escape yet was foiled. I was pretending to examine the water, as I know she will not follow me in, when I came across a messenger of hope. It was in a small rodent that I found a sign of escape. The ball of fuzz kept beckoning me towards the river, and when I began to make friends with the animal, petting it and attempting to converse in a higher language, it was then I saw that the rodent was leading me towards the wings of freedom. Upon petting the animal, a large bird appeared to me, wings spread. It looked almost as soft as the wisp of fur that brought me there, and the call of the animal screamed 'FREEDOM' in a Mel Gibson-like voice.

I must have tipped my plan, for just as I made my move towards the wings of safety, I was again accosted by the Mother and hurriedly carried away. My would-be savior pursued, and I knew I was close as "Mommy" enlisted the help of several people to merely drive the beautiful creature away again. It fought for me, though, as I will fight for it. Keep up the good fight, my friend, I will make it to you soon.

--The Gremlin


Woke up today to the Gremlin throwing his bottle into his toybin. As soon as it hit he must have realized that he threw one of his comfort items, because he started howling. I ran over to him and figured he was hungry, so fed him right away. That did the trick, he quieted down right away. I can't wait until he learns to use silverware, though, he managed to get food on the floor, the table, both walls, the ceiling, all over his high chair, and both the side and the counter of the island in the kitchen.

I cleaned him off and put him down, asking him to go get ready to go to the park, and it was a good thing I needed to put my shoes on too, because he almost went in and woke up Daddy, who was sleeping in. It was so cute, afterward, though when he ran over and got his bag to hurry me out the door. Once we got to the park, the Gremlin wanted to walk by the water. I figured this was okay as he'd never jump into that stinky mess that is the North Branch, so we headed down. I turned away for half a second to watch the soccer game, and look back to see my little darling chasing a family of geese.

I watched in horror as he caught up with the straggler gosling and began to pet it. Of course the mother saw this as well and began to charge the Gremlin, hissing and flapping her wings. I grabbed him and ran, but the goose kept after me until one of the soccer players playing at the park started kicking a soccer ball at it.

At least he wasn't hurt...

--MOTG

He's Definitely A Chicago Boy

So with the arrival of "the family" this weekend, all the out-of-towners were of course drawn to Chicago's main dietary accomplishment - deep dish pizza. "The family" was invited over on Friday night, and a pizza party ensued. It was an entertaining and enjoyable night, resulting in something even more enjoyable for the parents of the Gremlin - leftovers. Mmmmmmmm, deep dish.

In celebration of Chicago, his Aunt Kelley went in with his mother to get the child: a cloth pizza. This pizza is eight slices of fuzzy temptation, complete with olives, onions, pepperonis, tomatoes, and even a packet of cheese. It has become one of his new favorite toys (as his parents frequently travel to the authentic Italian restaurant to get brick-oven pizza with smoked meats and authentic cheeses), and I've spent the last few days tracking down small bits of olive and onions and other accoutrements.

So a few days later, it happened that the Mother of the Gremlin warmed up a slice of pizza for lunch. Knowing our darling dearest is lactose intolerant (just intolerant, not allergic), she wisely steered our son (and his love with everything cheese) away from the inch-thick slab of Wisconsin goodness, and fended him off while maneuvering and sitting on the couch.

Even with the soy yogurt solution, he quickly realized that she was attempting to distract him, and came in to investigate. It so happened that the MOTG had forgotten a fork, and the two met in the hallway. As she told him "Please stay away from the pizza" she remembered that she also needed something to drink. So she retrieved her fork and dispensed herself a refreshing beverage, only to return to find a curious oddity in the living room.

Where there had previously been a large slice of cheesy, hot, Girodano's pizza, there now sat a small, fuzzy, piece of cloth with what looked like a cloth imitation of an olive and a slice of onion. As she stood, surprised by what was before her, she heard a rustling in the Lair of the Gremlin. She entered cautiously, knowing the Gremlin to be a fickle creature, and didn't see him at first. Unless... yes! A sock actually attached to a leg! And curiously, hidden behind both the bookshelf and the crib. As she stepped over to where the Gremlin lay smacking his lips she put out a question.

"Is that my pizza?" The bright, blue eyes of the Gremlin froze, and then peered up at her as if to ask why she was invading his territory while he was eating. After he realized he was supposed to do something, he lifted the last quarter of the slice and - hoping to still keep what remained - asked another question.

"UH?"

Realizing that his ploy had failed, the Gremlin scrambled to secure the decoy he had so cleverly sacrificed to have his fifteen seconds of freedom. One day, he told himself as he tottered back to reunite the lost slice to the rest of the pie, one day he would have an entire slice.

He's Not Addicted, I Swear!

My 18 month old child is now fully able to make coffee, on his own.

For the last few months, he's been obsessed with cooking. He always wants to be involved, and enjoys doing some of the more menial tasks. One of these includes grinding the coffee beans. Every day, he would watch as we got out the bag, poured them into the grinder, and then let him press the button until they were powdery morsels of caffeinated goodness.

We never paid attention to the fact that, after that, he was still sitting right there on the counter when we would transfer the grinds to the coffeemaker, add water, and start it brewing. This morning, however, the Mother of the Gremlin happened to walk back in the room after hearing an odd whirring sound from the kitchen. As he wasn't crying, she took her time. However, when she came back in, she saw the Gremlin examining the base of the coffee maker studiously. As she approached, he pushed the button, and it began to whir away.

After stopping the coffee maker (as she believed it to be empty), she was surprised to see water in the reservior. She began to understand what was going on, and checked the filter.

Now we just have to train him to wake up before us quietly and do this.

Ooooh! Big Bathtub!

At the Lincoln Park Zoo, there is a little-traveled pond with a man made waterfall. Occasionally, there are tours of this site (if you get the extended tour of the zoo), and that includes a tour of the waterfall. The guide takes everyone, including young children, up the rocks and over to the start of the waterfall.

I should preface this with a small anecdote about swimming. Though he was not 18 months before he joined the course, our little Gremlin has been participating in swimming classes for the last several weeks. (FYI - it's not a good idea to hold a child partially in the water, and encourage them to flap their arms. Those who know how to splash will end up soaking the instructor, and knocking his glasses off - which will result in a 10 minute delay of class while he searches for them, but also tries not to step on them while searching.) However, after the initial splashing phase, our little darling took to water like horns to a de.... uh, well, he likes it.

So when he was at the top of the waterfall, seeing the other children dangling their feet in the water, looking out over something that looked like a giant bathtub (complete with faucet), the inevitable occurred.

It was at this time that the Mother of the Gremlin stepped up. Having been honing her reflexes for approximately 18 months now, she immediately reacted to the situation. Her keen eye watched as our son leaped into the pond, and continued to eye him as he paddled - completely submerged - towards the faucet. Just as she was feeling compelled to possibly take action, he popped his head back up and took a deep breath as he continued towards the giant faucet.

Well, at least the swimming classes were a good investment... even if the instructor won't get anywhere near him anymore.

*Update* the pool instructor retired at the end of that winter session