The Gremlin vs the TSA

The Gremlin, being the type of person who will stand up to bullying, was traveling through LAX this week when he felt he needed to stand up to the injustice of the TSA. After an hour in the security line, they finally reached.... the person who looks at your ID! However, today was a 'high security' day, and everyone was subject to additional screening.

The agent began asking them questions, and as the Gremlin does, he began answering truthfully.

"What is the purpose of your trip?"

"Aw, c'mon man - I just wanna go home!" The TSA employee looked down at the pint-sized stack of justice and attempted to ignore him.

"Do you have any liquids?"

"No."

"Any water?"

"No."

"Formula?"

"NO."

"Juice?" The Gremlin perked up at this question.

"I want juice! Can you give me some!" The Gremlin was now approaching the TSA employee 'in a threatening fashion' and was tased.

Just kidding.

The TSA employee continued to ignore him and address the Mother of the Gremlin, so the Gremlin interjected again.

"Do you have-"

"Wow you take forever. Are you one of those people my daddy's always talking to?"

The TSA screener finally got the point and let him and the Mother of the Gremlin through. That didn't last for long, though, as they were approached by yet another TSA employee once they'd gone through the metal detectors.

"Excuse me ma'am, is this your bag? We need to take it for additional screening."

And they absconded for another 20 minutes with the bag before returning with the contents emptied out and separated. Except for one, which the TSA employee was holding.

"My rocket ship!" The Gremlin shrieked and ran over as soon as he saw it. He stopped short of the TSA employee (I just can't bring myself to call them 'security') and smiled at him.

"Isn't it beautiful?!" The Gremlin's question caused the TSA employee - a rather large, well-muscled man - to look somewhat sheepish.

"Um, yes, very much so," he responded before looking at the MOTG. "Is this ceramic?" It turns out, the molded, baked, and painted craft space shuttle the Gremlin did at the canyon with his grandmother was made out of the same materials that are used to make the Glock line of handguns, and it threw an alert while being sent through the x-ray machine.


Favorite Toy of the Week: Not the Legos in the Star Wars Clone Walker Battle Pack, but the paper insert that showed all the other Star Wars Legos so he can decide what he wants. (All of them)

Sled Practice

So the Gremlin was at it again the other day - protecting those bigger than him, and standing up to bigger kids who are 'being mean.' With the recent record snowfalls, the Gremlin was able to break in his new sled.

After his mother got sick of pulling him after her on the sidewalks, she began to search for a hill she could take the Gremlin to. After trying several Chicago Park District parks, unsuccessfully, she found a hill by the lake.

The Gremlin screamed with delight as he flew down the hill, and kicked his mother out after the first time. He also picked up some bad habits as he was the youngest kid there, by a year or two at least. He attempted, and mostly accomplished feats like going down the hill while standing on the sled, going head first, and jumping out when you got to the bottom.

It so happened that he both heard and was the target of some other boys who were there who thought it would be fun to target people and see how many they could knock over. They skimmed the Gremlin once, knocking him down, and were already headed up the hill when he was able to right himself.

The Gremlin does not take kindly to being bullied, and today was no exception. He grabbed his sled and set off after the both of them. He had almost made it up the hill when the bullies headed down, and the Gremlin - on the less-steep slope the kids were using to haul their sleds with more ease - turned around right where he was and followed them down.

Although the Gremlin wasn't able to get hardly any speed, he surprised them enough, and managed to steer his sled with enough accuracy (as he had been practicing for the last three hours) to make both bullies jump to opposite sides in surprise. The Gremlin, utilizing another newly-learned skill, had already jumped off his sled (though at this point it was going approximately 3 inches an hour) and was facing down the two kids, who each had at least a foot on him. The Mother of the Gremlin later told me that he was so angry, all that could be heard was the last part of his tirade.

"Ajabudamatadobonoetgatwasbrilligandfarthyjamaknoda - DON'T DO THAT!" And he retrieved his sled and headed back up the hill. The mother of one of the bullies heard this and came over, speaking to the MOTG.

"Is that your son?" she asked
"Yes."
"He should really watch out - he could have hurt someone."
"I know! I nursed at Northwestern and I'm sure the collision at that speed would have caused a capillary hematoma."
"Yeah! You should really talk to him about that! A what?"
"A bruise. In the meantime, please ask your son or sons to stop doing the same thing at a much higher speed, as what I saw them doing could actually hurt someone."
"Ugh, I'm sure my little Maxie would never-"
"Actually," another mother standing off to the side piped up, "they were. 'Little Maxie' hit my 4 year-old over there, and when I went over there to see if he was okay, the other one tried to hit me." 

The other mother flushed and walked back to her son.

"Is that true?"
"We were just having fun..." The rest of the conversation trailed off as the mother packed up both of the kids and left the park.

At least he didn't push the kid down and smack him again...

Fearless

I'm convinced he will be a mafia enforcer. The Gremlin came back in full force yesterday. He had been digging at the park - his bucket and pail having been dutifully lugged the three blocks to the park where there was sand almost as plentiful as the beach.

The Gremlin has been showing some anti-social tendencies lately, but his mother and I believe this to actually be a phase - the child is gregarious most of the time. However, he was playing quietly alone this time - excavating on the other side of the bridge than the other kids when disaster struck in the form of a seven year old.

The towering trunk of post-toddler terror teetered over the tiny tot. Without a word, the bully snatched the pail out of the Gremlin's hands. The Gremlin was taken aback, "That's mine!"

"Well, I'm using it now," the seven year old retorted.
"May I have my pail please?" the Gremlin only asks once.
"No!" as soon as the words left the bully's mouth, the Gremlin responded. He used both hands to shove the bully to the ground. He twisted the pail out of the startled kid's hand, and stepped up the length of his body. As he stood above the bully, straddling his shoulders, he slowly reached down, and slapped him across the face.

As the Gremlin went back to his digging the now conquered bully approached his mother, who was perched on a nearby bench bouncing with laughter. She restored my faith in both humanity, and her parenting by cutting him off before he was able to get to her.

"You were mean to that boy, even after he asked nicely!"

He Found His Calling

So my son, the child who loves to cook, bake, and do anything and everything with food including, eat, play and watch (cookies, yeast, etc...), has found his calling:

Mafia Enforcer.

This was very apparent at the beach the other day when he was playing with his bucket, filling it up in the lake and pouring it out in the dry sand. At one point, a 7-year-old walked up, smacked the bucket out of his hand, took it, and departed with it.

While the MOTG went and remedied the situation, after she had returned the bucket to her son and was looking for the person supervising the child, she noticed something. Whenever the Gremlin doesn't want you to see what he is doing, he stares at you with that look on his face. When he got this look on his face staring at his mother while walking to the water, she figured he was just upset and going back to play.

However, while unobtrusively keeping her eye on him, she noticed the Gremlin fill up his bucket, return to the 7-year-old, coolly tap him on the shoulder, and proceed to cover him in ice cold Lake Michigan water. The 7-year-old was stunned into silence.

After approaching my wife, the bully became upset when she told him that he shouldn't have started in with the Gremlin (and the bully's mother agreed).