Maybe He Can't Read

At the park a few days ago, we noticed there was something off about the Gremlin. It took us a while to place it as he was running, screaming, pretending to be a fire truck as usual. Finally, we realized that whenever he tripped or played with something near his head, it just stayed there - even after he wasn't holding it any more.

Upon further inspection, we determined the Gremlin had several leaves, a bug, wood chips, and 13 cents in assorted change stuck to his face, hair, hands, and legs. While I may have been slightly excited by the prospect of the Gremlin finally bringing me money for a change, the Mother of the Gremlin stopped me from getting the glue out and doing a 'touch up' on our little darling.

After cleaning him off, we guessed that the Gremlin was playing around in the back yard and had gotten sap all over him.

The next day, we asked the Gremlin to get ready to go to the park, and it was only accidentally that we walked in on him.

Instead of using the sunscreen, the Gremlin had mistakenly picked up a glue stick, and was thoroughly applying it to his forehead, cheeks, arms, legs, and neck.


Favorite Toy of the Week: Classic Fire Truck

The Gremlin's YouTube channel has also been updated.

Language Barriers

The other day the Gremlin was released upon the park for several hours, in an attempt by his parents to actually get him to sleep - or act in any way, shape, or form as if he was not a living ball of energy. Various other parents in many different states of cleanliness (or not) to release their children as well, and the Gremlin was ecstatic to have other people to play with who could actually keep up with him without yelling at him to not jump in the house every 2 minutes.

So after a rousing game of "chase" around the playground equipment, the Gremlin wanted to show one of the other boys something he'd seen across the playground. He ran over to the boy and took hold of his hand. He tugged on the boy's arm and said, "come here! Come on!" He repeated these a few times before falling silent. He turned and looked at the boy, and a lightbulb went off in his mind. "Vamos!" And he and the boy went off together across the playground.

Fearless

I'm convinced he will be a mafia enforcer. The Gremlin came back in full force yesterday. He had been digging at the park - his bucket and pail having been dutifully lugged the three blocks to the park where there was sand almost as plentiful as the beach.

The Gremlin has been showing some anti-social tendencies lately, but his mother and I believe this to actually be a phase - the child is gregarious most of the time. However, he was playing quietly alone this time - excavating on the other side of the bridge than the other kids when disaster struck in the form of a seven year old.

The towering trunk of post-toddler terror teetered over the tiny tot. Without a word, the bully snatched the pail out of the Gremlin's hands. The Gremlin was taken aback, "That's mine!"

"Well, I'm using it now," the seven year old retorted.
"May I have my pail please?" the Gremlin only asks once.
"No!" as soon as the words left the bully's mouth, the Gremlin responded. He used both hands to shove the bully to the ground. He twisted the pail out of the startled kid's hand, and stepped up the length of his body. As he stood above the bully, straddling his shoulders, he slowly reached down, and slapped him across the face.

As the Gremlin went back to his digging the now conquered bully approached his mother, who was perched on a nearby bench bouncing with laughter. She restored my faith in both humanity, and her parenting by cutting him off before he was able to get to her.

"You were mean to that boy, even after he asked nicely!"

Wild Goose Chase

My captors gave me outdoor time today. After years of whining, I was finally allowed to feel the grass underneath my feet again. Why, I can't remember the last time I had been outside, it must have been yesterday. It seems like forever.

But I digress. I awoke in my cage, as the persons who call themselves "Mommy" and "Daddy" know they cannot contain me any other way. After waiting patiently for hours on end, I finally was forced to impress upon them to feed me. While hurling the contents of my cell did not seem to have much effect, I screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could. These interminable forces, these 'parents,' felt it necessary to reinforce their position of power by waiting several more hours to come investigate my plight.

Once they finally decided to remove me from my cage, they continued to pin me, the woman carried me with her to the torture device known as 'the high chair.' Due to the indignity of being hoisted around like a sack of potatoes, I decided to make them both pay, and decided to see how many different surfaces I could put my breakfast on without leaving the high chair. I got 8, a new record for me.

Finally sated and at full capacity with my meal, I went to finally prove my dominion over the leader, this 'Daddy,' once an for all. Upon opening the door to his lair, however, the woman absconded with me back to the room that houses my cage. Curses!

It was there that, to my surprise, I was outfitted for wilderness travel. Shod and hooded, 'Mommy' proceeded to hustle me out the door (myself doing all the heavy lifting, as usual), where we then began the death march to that ethereal place she always refers to as, 'the park.'

It was on this march that my best chance to escape yet was foiled. I was pretending to examine the water, as I know she will not follow me in, when I came across a messenger of hope. It was in a small rodent that I found a sign of escape. The ball of fuzz kept beckoning me towards the river, and when I began to make friends with the animal, petting it and attempting to converse in a higher language, it was then I saw that the rodent was leading me towards the wings of freedom. Upon petting the animal, a large bird appeared to me, wings spread. It looked almost as soft as the wisp of fur that brought me there, and the call of the animal screamed 'FREEDOM' in a Mel Gibson-like voice.

I must have tipped my plan, for just as I made my move towards the wings of safety, I was again accosted by the Mother and hurriedly carried away. My would-be savior pursued, and I knew I was close as "Mommy" enlisted the help of several people to merely drive the beautiful creature away again. It fought for me, though, as I will fight for it. Keep up the good fight, my friend, I will make it to you soon.

--The Gremlin


Woke up today to the Gremlin throwing his bottle into his toybin. As soon as it hit he must have realized that he threw one of his comfort items, because he started howling. I ran over to him and figured he was hungry, so fed him right away. That did the trick, he quieted down right away. I can't wait until he learns to use silverware, though, he managed to get food on the floor, the table, both walls, the ceiling, all over his high chair, and both the side and the counter of the island in the kitchen.

I cleaned him off and put him down, asking him to go get ready to go to the park, and it was a good thing I needed to put my shoes on too, because he almost went in and woke up Daddy, who was sleeping in. It was so cute, afterward, though when he ran over and got his bag to hurry me out the door. Once we got to the park, the Gremlin wanted to walk by the water. I figured this was okay as he'd never jump into that stinky mess that is the North Branch, so we headed down. I turned away for half a second to watch the soccer game, and look back to see my little darling chasing a family of geese.

I watched in horror as he caught up with the straggler gosling and began to pet it. Of course the mother saw this as well and began to charge the Gremlin, hissing and flapping her wings. I grabbed him and ran, but the goose kept after me until one of the soccer players playing at the park started kicking a soccer ball at it.

At least he wasn't hurt...

--MOTG