Wisdom of a 3 and 1/2 Year Old - On Sleep and Beds

"Target? Oh, they have a sleep number bed there."
"What did you say buddy?!"
"They have sleep number beds there - like they have on Qubo Channel. It's where you have a room, and a thing with a sleep number. And you get the best sleep of your life."

Ears Like a Bat

So this week the Mother of the Gremlin and I have been eagerly awaiting the Thomas Talking Railway Station (and by eagerly, I mean we've been wondering how long it would take us to injure ourselves or him after hearing the same Thomas phrase repeated 50 million times) that I foolishly purchased off woot.com because I'm an impulse buyer for almost anything they have.

Anyway, Grandma came up this week, so the Gremlin was ecstatic right up until we put him to bed. Once we finally got the little darling down (and I promise, I didn't use duct tape. This time), we were showing Grandma the recent purchase. Well, as any curious person would, she pushed THE BIG RED LEVER.


THE BIG RED LEVER inevitably kicks off a display of lights and sounds that will become indelibly imprinted on your brain over the next few days, and is set to a specific frequency that not only causes children to become addicted, but is also capable of causing migraine-level pain in adults. The Talking Railway Station is no different, with Sir Toppam Hat coming out and talking to the person who will be flayed for touching THE BIG RED LEVER.

A few minutes after we'd looked at it (and the two talking trains that came with it - Molly and Billy, of which we already have 2), we heard the Gremlin up and about. Going into see why he couldn't sleep, the Gremlin greeted us before we even got to his bed.

"I want to play with the train."
"Uh, what train, buddy?"
"The Thomas train you and Mommy and Grandma were playing with."
"Buddy, you need to go to sleep. It's bed time now." Not being able to argue this, the Gremlin laid down, but had one last shot to get in.
"You think I don't know, but I do. I know."

He had heard half a second of one little child's-toy speaker across the entire house while the TV was on, and knew it was a Thomas Train.

The Psychological Gremlin

So I went out last night - after putting the Gremlin to bed I left the Mother of the Gremlin to hold down the fort. Apparently, a matter of minutes after I left, our little darling began to make things interesting.

"Momma! Momma! Come here!" The MOTG poked her head into his room, hoping to defuse a 38-lb situation before the commercial break ended. Little did she know, she was dealing with the Gremlin in full capacity of hit wits.

"Momma, I'm not tired, can I come watch TV with you?"
"I'm sorry, buddy, but you need to go to sleep now."
"But I want to watch TV. And I feel a little sick." The Gremlin pouted.
"Then I think the best thing for you would be to rest with your eyes closed and try to sleep." The Gremlin changed tactics.
"But Momma, I want to watch TV and cuddle you because I love you so much. Can we cuddle on the couch?" This took the MOTG back for a moment as the Gremlin had becoming more and more independent as of late and hasn't wanted to cuddle either of us.
"Buddy, it's time for you to go to sleep."
"But I don't want to!"
"I know, but you need to sleep now. If you don't lay down and stay quiet, I'm going to have to get your father." The Gremlin smiled and looked up.
"No you won't, Momma."
"I'm going to go get him now if you don't lay down."
"You're lying, Momma. Daddy left, I heard him. I want to watch TV!"
"Buddy, Daddy would not be happy with either of us if I let you stay up and watch TV with me."
"But Momma, we don't have to tell Daddy..."