Already Outsmarting Us

So this morning the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin), and the Gremlin decided they needed chocolate and went to Dunkin' Donuts. The MOTG ordered a chocolate donut and the Gremlin ordered a regular donut with chocolate frosting. Needless to say, he was so good on the way home that he was awarded his donut early, and finished it before they made it into the apartment.

I should explain that we live up 3 flights of stairs, and no matter what time of year it is, everyone is always sweating by the time they get all the way up the stairs. So the MOTG puts the Dunkin' Donuts down on the window sill by the couch and goes into the kitchen to get milk, a towel, and various other Gremlin-related cleaning/feeding items.

"Hi Mommy!" She looked down to see the dark little face staring up at her.
"Wow, I didn't think you had that much chocolate on your face before."
"Mommy, I need to show you something!" He took her by the hand and started pulling her into his room.
"Buddy, I need to get you cleaned up and settled so I can sit down and relax."
"No, Mommy! I need to show you something now!" And he pulled her into his room and sat the MOTG by his train tracks.
"Okay, Momma. Wait right there."

So the MOTG waited. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes she realized the Gremlin had closed the door when he left, so she scooted over and cracked it open. This was just in time to see the Gremlin stuff the last bite of her donut in his face.

"Hghf, Mgrhfmma!"

The look of shock on the MOTG's face must have said it all, because the Gremlin spit out the half-chewed bite.

"Mfg, sorry Momma! I share with you." After the chocolate-stained hands and face of the the Gremlin had been cleaned, the MOTG sat on the couch and started trying to regain her composure. The Gremlin walked himself out of the bathroom and sat down in time out. Even after his mother called for him to come over, he stood up, went into her purse, picked out a $10 and came back over.

"Here you go, Momma, we can go back to Dunkin' Donuts!"

"I smell something!"

The Gremlin pushed his trains into the living room the other day - he's super excited about Thomas, and all the things that go with it. He was leading, of course, with the one that made noise. Daddy foolishly bought "James" (his favorite, according to the Gremlin) not realizing it not only lit up, but also made "chuff chuff" noises when the wheels turned AND (even better!) made whistle noises when you pushed the button on the top of it.

James was immediately followed by Lady (the Gremlin's favorite, according to him), who was purchased when the 'Baba Fairy' came, but that's another story (specifically, the one before this). Right after lady was Percy (his favorite - are we seeing a pattern here?), and another train came along with the coal cars.

Well, James' train came in, and immediately had to "park." Of course, the parking moved depending on where Mommy and Daddy were, and today, it was right behind my feet. After a brief, but logical discussion of where to park ("James has to park there." "But my feet are there." "Okay, move them!" "That was not a nice way to ask, and I was here first." "Please move them?" "Buddy, I was here first. You need to get used to sharing things and space with people." "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"), the Gremlin calmed down and decided to try his other train. ("Coal car has to park there." "Sigh.")

Attempting to plead his case, the Gremlin scaled the couch to show Daddy that they were both at the same level. Halfway up the couch, the Gremlin froze. He smiled, and dropped into his father's lap.

"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"I love you sooooo much!"
"Thank you, buddy, I love you too."
"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"Daddy, I smell something." Uh-oh.
"What do you smell?"
"Chocolate." Dang!
"Really?"
"Can I have some pleeeeeeeeeease?"

That's right, he smelled Oreos on my breath, and managed to score cookies out of it.

New Trains

So we had an interesting experience last night. We have been agonizing over an upcoming milestone for quite a while - the Gremlin relinquishing that age-old item of comfort and security: the pacifier.

These fonts of power had been a cornerstone to both the general comfort, and sleep cycle of the Gremlin - they worked overtime as an all-purpose tool. Won't stop crying when you put him to bed? Pacifier. Scrapes his knees and won't calm down after Mommy kisses it better? Pacifier. Want him to be quiet in the car? Pacifier. Want to know how crayon got on the ceiling? So do we.

So two days ago we began telling the Gremlin that because he was such a big boy, he was going to have to give his pacifiers to the Pacifier Fairy who would come and leave him a toy in exchange. We were planning on doing this sometime in early to mid-October, and began telling him last week in preparation for the monumental task that we felt we were about to face.

So last night he looks at his mother and says, "I ready. Here are ba-ba's (pacifiers). Ba-ba Fairy going to bring me a TRAIN!" This was news to the Ba-ba Fairy who hadn't even been able to go look at what trains were available yet. The Ba-ba Fairy made it to Timeless Toys just before closing time while Daddy stayed home and watched the Gremlin (aka played Fallout 3 and tried to keep a running dialogue to ensure consciousness as the Gremlin isn't allowed in the room while Fallout is on due to language. Both mine and the game's). The people at Timeless Toys were so gracious about keeping the store open just a few minutes later and helping the Ba-ba Fairy pick out a train that she purchased a track set as well. (And though it is doubtful this will ever be read by them, thank you so much again!)

And then, at bed time, the ritual occurred. The pacifiers were put in a bag (he insisted on "Lisa's Bag" from the Blue Sky Bakery across the street), and left right outside the front door. After bedtime there was a bit of trepidation from the Ba-ba Fairy about leaving a Thomas set right outside our door until it was pointed out that the only other person who might even see it was our 30-ish neighbor, and even that was doubtful because he usually uses the back door.

The Gremlin went to bed without any pacifier-related issues and he awoke early and content in the morning. He had been playing with his toys until both parents were up, and finally, when both were awake enough to process where the coffee grounds went and get that started, we reminded the Gremlin that the Ba-ba Fairy leaves treats when things like pacifiers are given up. He excitedly ran to the door and tore open the package.

"Oh, I'm not sad anymore!"

Empathy

So the Gremlin - as devious and frustrating as he is -- contains a surprising ability to empathize with anyone over anything. Case in point - my wife broke one of her prized Mexican fruit bowls this afternoon. She was pulling a pan out from the top of our pot rack when a lid that was on top of the pan she was moving slipped down and landed cracked the medium sized green bowl into 4 nice pieces.

The Gremlin, more surprised by the sound than anything else, jumped and looked over at his mother. It was only after she gasped and picked up the broken bowl and pieces that the ear-splitting Cry of Despair started. And then the Gremlin chimed in too. Even when his mother was only mildly upset, he started bawling:

"I WANT MOMMY TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW!" he wailed, tears streaming down his face, his sad little finger pointing at the offending pieces. It was only after we'd promised him we would get some Super Glue and put the pieces of the bowl back together that he finally stopped bawling.

Computers

I suppose it was inevitable, with a father who worked in IT, for the Gremlin to start picking up on computer terms, but a few weeks ago, the Gremlin entered a whole new world: the internet. He walked up to his mother the other day and said:

"I want to go to PBSKids.org."My wife was so astounded that she booted up the computer and went to the site, where the Gremlin was able to play games featuring characters like Clifford and Curious George. Now it's a regular occurrence for the child to have 'internet time' with mommy.

Love

So my wife played an unfortunate game with the Gremlin the other day. She should know by now that playing him, you always lose.

"AJ, how much do you love daddy?"
"Five!"
"Um, okay, out of how many?"
"Five!"
"I see. How much do you love mommy?"
"Two!"

I'm hoping she talks to me today - yesterday was very quiet in our house.

No Head Start For You!

So today, the Gremlin visited the Taste of Chicago. After scarfing down two ears of corn, a hot dog, and some funnel cake, the Gremlin returned to the Family Village to wreak some havoc. After staying in the "bouncy house" for so long that one of the directors had to come over and ask that he get out, the Terrible Two Year Terror spotted his second favorite thing: free stuff.

He barreled over to the table and began talking up the woman behind. Once his mother caught up with him, she found out that the woman was an official of the Head Start program in the Chicago Public School System. Upon finding out the age of the Gremlin, she began talking about Head Start, and how it worked and how it would be beneficial. During the boring conversation, the Gremlin had one goal: schwag.

He really wanted one of the toys they were handing out, and was pointing to it insistently. Finally, after realizing that his mother was more concerned about his education than the once-in-a-lifetime possibility of getting a free toy, he chimed in.

My Wife: "Hi, sorry about him grabbing like that."
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, it's no problem, we're here to attract kids about his age."
My Wife: "Yeah, I've heard of Head Start, but never really knew what it was. What do you do?"
Head Start Advocate: "Head Start is really for kids to start to get the basics - the alphabet, numbers, and things like that." It was at this point the Gremlin realized that the focus was no longer on the toys, and he'd have to speak up if he wanted it.
The Gremlin: "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Please I can have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, we also teach other things like potty training, and-"
The Gremlin: "I go peepee in the potty! PLEASE can I have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, I guess you're a little old for our program, then."
The Gremlin: "I two and half. Now I can have that? Please?"
Head Start Advocate: "You're two? I don't think you want that honey, it's for five to seven year olds. Here, you can take a look at it."

She handed my wife a form at the same time she handed him the toy he wanted. It was a clear cube, with an arced piece of metal or plastic going to opposite corners, forming a dip. In the middle of the arc, was a single hole. On one side of the arc was a metal ball, the purpose being the cube can be rotated to get the ball into the hole in the arc.

Head Start Advocate: "He's two and he's already potty trained?"
My Wife: "Yeah, he did it himself, he'd get really upset if we didn't take him to the bathroom when he had to go - he refused to go in his diaper."
Head Start Advocate: "That's extremely impressi-"
The Gremlin: "All done!"

He set the cube on the table, the ball resting in the hole, and started looking underneath the sign they'd draped over the table. The Head Start Advocate took the sheet out of my wife's hands and said,

"Just put your email address here, you'll receive information on the Gifted Programs offered by the City."