Love

So my wife played an unfortunate game with the Gremlin the other day. She should know by now that playing him, you always lose.

"AJ, how much do you love daddy?"
"Five!"
"Um, okay, out of how many?"
"Five!"
"I see. How much do you love mommy?"
"Two!"

I'm hoping she talks to me today - yesterday was very quiet in our house.

No Head Start For You!

So today, the Gremlin visited the Taste of Chicago. After scarfing down two ears of corn, a hot dog, and some funnel cake, the Gremlin returned to the Family Village to wreak some havoc. After staying in the "bouncy house" for so long that one of the directors had to come over and ask that he get out, the Terrible Two Year Terror spotted his second favorite thing: free stuff.

He barreled over to the table and began talking up the woman behind. Once his mother caught up with him, she found out that the woman was an official of the Head Start program in the Chicago Public School System. Upon finding out the age of the Gremlin, she began talking about Head Start, and how it worked and how it would be beneficial. During the boring conversation, the Gremlin had one goal: schwag.

He really wanted one of the toys they were handing out, and was pointing to it insistently. Finally, after realizing that his mother was more concerned about his education than the once-in-a-lifetime possibility of getting a free toy, he chimed in.

My Wife: "Hi, sorry about him grabbing like that."
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, it's no problem, we're here to attract kids about his age."
My Wife: "Yeah, I've heard of Head Start, but never really knew what it was. What do you do?"
Head Start Advocate: "Head Start is really for kids to start to get the basics - the alphabet, numbers, and things like that." It was at this point the Gremlin realized that the focus was no longer on the toys, and he'd have to speak up if he wanted it.
The Gremlin: "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Please I can have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, we also teach other things like potty training, and-"
The Gremlin: "I go peepee in the potty! PLEASE can I have that?"
Head Start Advocate: "Oh, well, I guess you're a little old for our program, then."
The Gremlin: "I two and half. Now I can have that? Please?"
Head Start Advocate: "You're two? I don't think you want that honey, it's for five to seven year olds. Here, you can take a look at it."

She handed my wife a form at the same time she handed him the toy he wanted. It was a clear cube, with an arced piece of metal or plastic going to opposite corners, forming a dip. In the middle of the arc, was a single hole. On one side of the arc was a metal ball, the purpose being the cube can be rotated to get the ball into the hole in the arc.

Head Start Advocate: "He's two and he's already potty trained?"
My Wife: "Yeah, he did it himself, he'd get really upset if we didn't take him to the bathroom when he had to go - he refused to go in his diaper."
Head Start Advocate: "That's extremely impressi-"
The Gremlin: "All done!"

He set the cube on the table, the ball resting in the hole, and started looking underneath the sign they'd draped over the table. The Head Start Advocate took the sheet out of my wife's hands and said,

"Just put your email address here, you'll receive information on the Gifted Programs offered by the City."

AJ At The Fire Station

It was a glorious day for the Gremlin. Not only was he able to go downtown on the train, but then he had his class, and even after that the Gremlin went to lunch with Daddy! It was an amazing and exhausting day, that got even more amazing.

Coming back from the fountain where he lunch with Daddy, the Gremlin was looking around and saw a recessed area surrounded by scaffolding. It intrigued him, and he was determined to see what was in ... oh look, a bus!

They were almost up to the bus when he saw it out of the corner of his eye. The Fire Truck. He leapt towards the shiny red and black vehicle, causing his father (whose shoulders he was on) to arc violently over and almost crack both their heads open. Once he was on the ground, he immediately sprinted towards the open bays, stopping just short of actually going in. He was so excited he was breathing in huge gasps, and even more so after a young fireman waved the Gremlin in.

"Come on in!" If only the fireman knew what he was getting into, he may not have been so welcoming, however the Gremlin was ecstatic and wasted no time in running up to both. He stared up at the black and red behemoth, his head just barely coming up to the top of the tire.

It was here the fireman made his egregious error. He asked the Gremlin if he wanted to sit in the truck and play with the lights. The Gremlin put all of the athletic prowess he contained into climbing up the truck as fast as he was possibly able. The fireman was so impressed, he let the imp climb, and got in on the passenger side - leaving the keys in the ignition.

And it was the little string that hung from the ceiling that did it. As the Gremlin climbed up to get to the fireman and where he was pointing, he grabbed onto that string for support, letting the full blast of the horn echo throughout the station and into the city.

"Whoa!"
"Hey!"
"Oh!"
"Ha!"
"What's that?!"

The blast of the horn was immediately followed by a rush of firemen, and the Gremlin stared as they slid down the pole and came through various doors to see what the commotion was. Of course, he thought this was a noise that *made* firemen, so before the poor young fireman who put him in the truck could reach over and pull the keys out (as he was attempting to talk to the firemen next to him to explain what was going on), the impish boy let another blast trumpet through the station.

The chaotic scramble that followed was hysterical to the Gremlin, who giggled as he watched the various firemen attempt to reach him and the horn, only to do such interesting things as trigger the lights, siren, and some odd hissing noise that we weren't able to place.

We left the fire station shortly after, the Gremlin even getting a coloring book given to him by a real fire man! Of course, now he thinks that he can climb into any old fire truck he sees on the street, but that's a story for another week.

Following Directions

So every once in a while, I will try my hand at the culinary arts in an effort to reduce the stress on the rest of the family - give everyone a little break from "the normal routine." While I can't comment on the level of stress before/after I cook (read: before/after I create a mess), it's really interesting to see how the Gremlin responds to this shake-up.

For instance, last night I was doing a chimmichurry steak when I had a little "pouring malfunction" with the olive oil. With the Gremlin and his mother on the couch, I saw the opportunity to allow a small cleanup window. I spoke to the Gremlin,

"Keep your mother out of the kitchen for at least 5 minutes!" Without any debate or question, the Gremlin began asking his mother to help him draw, assemble a puzzle and *gasp* clean! When the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin) wanted a glass of water, the 2-foot wall of steel was in front of her, "No, no, momma, I get you water from MY kitchen! Sit! Sit nice!" He herded her back to the couch and headed to his room.

Of course, this was more than enough time for me to clean up the olive oil (but not enough to clean up the various spices that covered the rest of the kitchen). So when the MOTG finally made it into the kitchen, I'd managed to clean about half of the mess that had previously been in there.

*Gasp* "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN?!" Immediately after the wail emerged from the MOTG, another came shrieking from the Gremlin's room.

"NO MOMMA! NO KITCHEN!" The Gremlin came streaking in like a toddler to sugar. He didn't know why, but he was upset that his mother was in the kitchen. Fortunately, a few words from daddy let him know it was okay for her to be in there.

You know, except for the mess.

Language Barriers

The other day the Gremlin was released upon the park for several hours, in an attempt by his parents to actually get him to sleep - or act in any way, shape, or form as if he was not a living ball of energy. Various other parents in many different states of cleanliness (or not) to release their children as well, and the Gremlin was ecstatic to have other people to play with who could actually keep up with him without yelling at him to not jump in the house every 2 minutes.

So after a rousing game of "chase" around the playground equipment, the Gremlin wanted to show one of the other boys something he'd seen across the playground. He ran over to the boy and took hold of his hand. He tugged on the boy's arm and said, "come here! Come on!" He repeated these a few times before falling silent. He turned and looked at the boy, and a lightbulb went off in his mind. "Vamos!" And he and the boy went off together across the playground.

Fearless

I'm convinced he will be a mafia enforcer. The Gremlin came back in full force yesterday. He had been digging at the park - his bucket and pail having been dutifully lugged the three blocks to the park where there was sand almost as plentiful as the beach.

The Gremlin has been showing some anti-social tendencies lately, but his mother and I believe this to actually be a phase - the child is gregarious most of the time. However, he was playing quietly alone this time - excavating on the other side of the bridge than the other kids when disaster struck in the form of a seven year old.

The towering trunk of post-toddler terror teetered over the tiny tot. Without a word, the bully snatched the pail out of the Gremlin's hands. The Gremlin was taken aback, "That's mine!"

"Well, I'm using it now," the seven year old retorted.
"May I have my pail please?" the Gremlin only asks once.
"No!" as soon as the words left the bully's mouth, the Gremlin responded. He used both hands to shove the bully to the ground. He twisted the pail out of the startled kid's hand, and stepped up the length of his body. As he stood above the bully, straddling his shoulders, he slowly reached down, and slapped him across the face.

As the Gremlin went back to his digging the now conquered bully approached his mother, who was perched on a nearby bench bouncing with laughter. She restored my faith in both humanity, and her parenting by cutting him off before he was able to get to her.

"You were mean to that boy, even after he asked nicely!"

Trend Setter

So for the second time in a row my son has started a trend in footwear.

In the fall my wife was wandering through a Fleet Feet looking for a pair of boots when she noticed a pair of sneakers that the Gremlin would love (yes, apparently the women's boots and boy's shoes are intermixed at Fleet Feet. Probably a marketing decision :). Seeing as how he already had a pair of Cookie Monster fluffy sandals, she figured he would also like a pair of New Balance (see all the name drops? That's right, I'm trying to drive revenue so click the links!) featuring everyone's favorite sweet tooth.

A matter of days later she was sick of going outside with the Gremlin while he was wearing them due to all the questions of where she got them (on sale too). This culminated one day at his play group where one of the moms actually took his shoes and put them in her purse. (And then claimed to not speak English. Fortunately enough, the Gremlin's mother is bilingual.)

It was a relief for the summer to come, because of course the summer requires sandals. So during a trip to Marshall's, we settled on a pair of Spongebob Squarepants Crocs for him. He loves his 'crucks' so much he insists on wearing them everywhere, and continuously gets compliments and requests as to where they were purchased. Again, on sale.