My Little Foodie

The Mother of the Gremlin was given passes to How To Train Your Dragon (the Gremlin says "thanks Pa-Pa!"), and when the MOTG goes to a movie, it's usually an excuse to stock up on popcorn. This particular theater had kiddie-packs, and gave the Gremlin popcorn, a drink, and a treat for $5, so the MOTG purchased two - claiming her other child was in the bathroom.

The Gremlin, staying true to form, devoured his popcorn during the previews, and turned to the MOTG.

"Mommy, will you please share your popcorn with me?"
"No buddy, you had your own."
"Yeah, but it's all gone, so will you share that with me?"
"But you didn't share any of yours with me."
"I'll share some of that with you now."

The Gremlin soon found himself stymied as the MOTG would not give up her popcorn, and sat quietly, but popcorn-less through the rest of the movie.

Later at the store, the Gremlin - getting more independent every day - took his own basket and began buying 'his groceries.' This included a banana (a surprisingly ripe banana with a blue Dole sticker on it), a container of chocolate covered pretzels, 'daddy pop,' sugar, and a grapefruit. There was a minor clash of wills when it was time to check out, but the Gremlin soon focused on getting his regular treat from the store, and selected the chocolate covered pretzels.

As soon as they were home, the Gremlin asked for something to eat. With the time growing closer and closer to dinner, the MOTG told the Gremlin he needed to eat something healthy, to which the Gremlin immediately responded by asking for the chocolate covered pretzels. When the MOTG refused, the Gremlin pulled out the container and pointed to the sticker he had removed from the banana and stuck to the pretzel container that said, "The healthy choice."

The Best Vacation Ever (aka Daddy's Business Trip)

We recently traveled out to scenic Shaumburg (slogan: We're like the Miracle Mile of Chicago, but located in the middle of nowhere!) where the Gremlin decided he was on "the best vacation ever."

It all started with trains (of course): the Gremlin taking the L to get on the Metra, which then had to sit and wait for the Amtrak to pass through a tunnel, which he was able to view out the window. After that he met with the Father of the Gremlin (hi) who then took everyone to a hotel room with... get this... round pillows. Apparently the simple novelty of compacting and rounding a pillow was such an inventive breakthrough that it kept the Gremlin fascinated for a cumulative total of 6 hours. He was only in the city of Shaumburg for a grand total of 24 hours, several of which were spent asleep. From there, however, was a harrowing encounter where the Gremlin was 'almost eaten by a scary alligator' at his new favorite restaurant - Rainforest Cafe.

There were many more fun-filled events including swimming, Ikea, cable kids TV (which is shocking like regular kids TV), train toys, and the elevator (which he was so fascinated with that he spent an hour riding and pushing buttons for businessmen while in his swim trunks).

The only disappointment for him came when the Mother of the Gremlin informed him that he wouldn't be able to go to Legoland. After doing extensive research (reading the reviews on Yelp.com) it was determined that it was not worth visiting for a grand total of $60 to spend 20 minutes looking at the sculptures also visible at the Michigan Avenue store for free.

The MOTG usually breaks this news to the Gremlin by informing him that the store in question is 'closed' thereby halting any toddler-related tantrums. Unfortunately, the MOTG had told this to the Gremlin one too many times.

During one of his 15 trips into the elevator past the front desk, the Gremlin stopped and introduced himself. The MOTG, and the front desk, thought this was adorable, and lowered their guard. The Gremlin, sensing weakness, struck.

"'Scuse me, is Legoland open?" The MOTG glanced frantically over - trying to give the international parenting 'look' for "I have to travel with him today, please cover my lie," but the woman was all eyes for the little curly-haired blonde.

"Of course, honey! It opens at noon, and at 10am on the weekends." The Gremlin looked up at the MOTG.

"I knew it."

Just Another Day At the Store

The Mother of the Gremlin was at the store this week, after she had this exchange with the Gremlin.

"Momma, can I have some yogurt?"
"Sorry buddy, we're out."
"Momma, can I have a cookie?"
"No, buddy, we don't have any."
"Momma, can I have some milk?"
"I think we're all out."
"Fruit?"
"Yeah, we ate all those too, buddy."
"Momma?"
"Yes?"
"Can we go to the store tomorrow?"

So the MOTG left the little darling in the cart and began to go down her list. Everything was going well until they reached the bread aisle. The MOTG, being health-conscious, picked up a loaf of wheat bread. The Gremlin stood up and pointed.

"I want this one." He pointed off to the loaves of white bread.
"No, buddy, we're getting this one." If there's one thing the Gremlin doesn't like, it's being told 'no.' He set his feet, put his hands on his hips and started yelling. The darling said - I kid you not -
"Woman, I'm sick of this healthy stuff! Get me some chocolate I need a candy bar!"

This turned more than one head, and as the Gremlin continued to rant, an older woman walked over to him and asked if he was being a good boy. He stopped crying, no trace of a treble in his voice and looked up at her.

"I don't need to be good - I'm adorable. And a genius."

The Gremlin lost that argument, but with his one treat he chose Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. They ended up at the checkout, where the MOTG was approached by a man, staring amusedly at the Gremlin. Apparently he was a spectator at the Gremlin's meltdown in the bread aisle, as he spoke to the MOTG.

"So he won this round, huh?"

When they finally made it home, the MOTG parked and unhooked the Gremlin from the car seat. He immediately asked to be carried inside. The MOTG looked at him.

"Buddy, you have to walk so that I can carry groceries." The Gremlin considered this momentarily and then countered.
"Or momma you can carry me and I can sit and watch TV while you go back for the groceries."

I'd like to say that the MOTG won this battle, but that would be a lie - especially after the meltdown in the bread aisle. At least the Gremlin was quiet while she finished bringing the groceries in...

Timing is Everything

The Gremlin received a new bed from his grandparents (quote upon receiving the bed, "I can actually move around now! Thank you papa and grandma!") and now wakes up every morning at 5:45am and jumps on said bed until he wakes up the Mother and Father of the Gremlin. This is only marginally better than his last system of laying in his cramped bed singing.

We have since instituted a new system where we encourage the Gremlin to get up in the morning, get a few books and sit quietly. Ever since, we've found the Gremlin doing various other things. The first morning he was found sitting in bed with two books. The second morning he had migrated to the floor and was quite taken with his trains. The third morning he was nude and under his high chair.

That day we came up with a new plan for fear of having a full on Vegas-style party the next morning. We began setting the TV to his favorite morning channel (Quobo) and turning the TV off so that it would turn on to that channel.

Since then he has decided that it's 'his channel' and asks for it throughout the day (especially when he knows he's getting on the MOTG's nerves). Recently, he's found a show called 3-2-1 Penguins! which he has declared (much like Curious George and the color green) to be 'his favorite.'

He was discussing this with the MOTG one morning and asked if he could watch 3-2-1 Penguins! every day. The MOTG, attempting to limit his TV time, stated that she didn't know when it was on (similar to limiting his trips to 'the train mall' by telling him it's closed). He got 'the look' again and turned to the MOTG, exasperated at having to explain this whole thing out.

"Well what time is it now, momma?"

Emissions and Emittance

While returning from a jaunt out to the southern suburbs, the Mother of the Gremlin decided to, after a quick detour to Wendy's to reward the surprisingly patient Gremlin, the MOTG headed over to the sixth gate (not to be confused with the Ravenswood Post Office, though almost as frightening) - the Vehicle Emissions Testing Facility.

When the vehicle approached, it was like he knew who it was - almost as if we had been there 6 times before. And just as if he had seen us 6 times before, the emissions tester gruffly demanded the MOTG's paperwork. The Gremlin, who was just finishing off his Frostee (so imagine his face like this, only with chocolate), piped up as he had been working on the exact same thing over the last few days.

"Escuse me, but you dint say 'pease!'" The man slowly bent down until he was able to see in through the driver's side window into the back seat. The Gremlin stared back at him.

"You need to ask nicely and say pease." The very large man looked down at the MOTG who reinforced it.

"We're trying to teach him that even if it's an unpleasant situation, it doesn't make anything worse to be polite," and she sat there and waited as the man stood there with is hand out.

"Ma'am, may I please have your receipt and testing form?" The Gremlin started clapping and yelled.

"Good job!"

Pants STILL On The Ground

The Gremlin was at Target the other day, and with his personality he gets very possessive. So when he does get his one treat at the store, or even something extra - like a Thomas sheet set, for example - he clutches it in both arms and ignores everything else around him. Being of slight build (125th percentile in height, 76th in weight), we frequently have trouble securing the waistline of the Gremlin (who to this day doesn't understand why he needs to concern himself with snaps or buttons). It struck again at the store, and he was dutifully following his mother when his pants found themselves around his ankles. Without the use of his hands, and without his mother noticing, the Gremlin began to assess the situation.

With his hands full, the Mother of the Gremlin didn't expect any trouble once he was in line to pay, holding his sheet set. She didn't immediately turn around when she heard the woman behind her laughing, so when the cashier motioned for her to look, it was already too late. She turned just in time to hear him speak to the rest of the line behind them.

"Aw, c'mon, lady! It just happens sometimes!" And without attempting to pull them back up, he turned around with a huff, mooning the rest of the store (again) with his tighty-whities.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMELTDOWN!

Bleep bloop bleep blip!

I'm AJ the Gremlin, and today is the longest day of my life.

6:00am - Mommy woke me up today. After putting me to bed early for the past two days, she finally thinks I have caught up on my sleep. I decided to convey my displeasure with her through the only way I can communicate before I have my coffee - by playing trains without her.

7:00am - MOMMY LEFT! SHE'S GONE! I'M ALL ALON-oh, hey, it's Daddy. Nevermind.

8:00am - Daddy seems to be tired. I can't bee seen as 'going soft' on him, so I will now whine about every conceivable thing for the next hour.

9:00am - Bored. Ooooh, look toilet paper. I love it how this stuff just flies off the roll. Roll, man, I wonder if I left my cars out. Oh, no, they're in my room, I'll just go over and... What? Oh, yes daddy, I am still holding the toilet paper. Oh, I didn't know I couldn't do that.

10:00am - Trip to the store! I'm gonna get a treat! I love having mommy and daddy trained.

10:15am - Was forced by the slaving daddy to walk halfway here.

10:30am - Purchased odd basket, but am getting juice, so I'll help carry something home.

11:00am - Time to get ready for soccer, which is my favorite part of the day - NAKED TIME!

11:15am - Again, forced to do something I don't want to by slaving daddy - now stuck wearing clothes. Boo...

12:00pm - Finally got to soccer, realized it was more than one person and freaked out.

12:05pm - Realized there is a coach, started crying

12:10pm - Realized coach has a whistle, started crying

12:15pm - Didn't want to participate in drills, started crying

12:20pm - Didn't get to participate in drills, started crying

12:25pm - Coach used his whistle again, started crying

12:30pm - Oooooh, treats!

12:31pm - Wanted another cookie, was refused, started crying

Tha-thump! Tha-thump! Tha-thump!

Tune in next week for the exciting results of the Parents of the Gremlin getting sick of how much he asks everyone else to do work for him and get strict! More crying action! More crying time! Guaranteed to make other parents take their kids home early from soccer practice!