Delicious Distractions

So the other day the Mother of the Gremlin was heading out to get dinner - she usually does a homemade meal almost every night, and rarely takes a night off. So when she asked to take a night off, both the Gremlin and I were okay with it. We began the ice-cold schlep over to foodie row (McDonald's, Subway, four middle eastern places (two Lebanese, one Iraqi, one Egyptian) a Starbucks, and Dunkin' Donuts, two pizza places, and brand-new hot dog store. All within two blocks of each other.

Once we stopped at the bank, we had to again pass by the Dunkin' Donuts. The Gremlin, having already figured out that 1) donuts are delicious and 2) you have to have money to get one (he's currently saving his regular holiday money from grandma for Thomas & Friends Wooden Railway - Rocky), saw that we had just gone to the bank.

We have been trying to get the Gremlin used to walking with us and not being carried, and he's always been extremely good about walking with us, not crossing streets without us, etc... But when the guy walking in front of us stepped into Dunkin' Donuts, the Gremlin darted in after him. The man was so amused that he held the inner door open as well, and the Gremlin was off to the races.

He ducked in and out of the maze of tables, glanced at the twin 5-person deep lines, and stepped right in front of everyone. The Latino man, short but sturdy and looking like a craftsman or construction worker by trade (read: tough), that the Gremlin had just brushed aside began to chuckle as the employee looked confused between the two.

The Gremlin was undaunted. "I would like one chocolate donut please!" The Dunkin Donuts worker just stood there staring at him, so the Gremlin made an addendum. "Oh, and a coffee for momma. Thanks!"

We finally caught up with him at that point and tried to pull him to the back of the line, but all 5 men the Gremlin cut off were chuckling and telling us it was okay. So the employee rang it up as the Gremlin looked at his mother. "Okay momma, you can pay for it now."

He's gonna be fun in high school. Especially when he learns about credit cards.

Every Morning a New Adventure

The Gremlin loves his family. So much so that he literally hates the work week. If I tell him I am going to work, he starts crying immediately.

"I don't want daddy to go to work! I want daddy stay home RIGHT NOW!" (As rude and demanding as the phrase is, his 'w-wight now!'s are some of the most adorable demands I've ever heard.)

As I leave for the day, I will give my wife a kiss, and my son will open the front door. He will give me a hug out on the landing, and then go to the window. As I leave the building and walk to the L, the Gremlin will stand at the window and wave to me.


In the summers we had the windows closed, and in the winter we have the windows closed too. So I didn't know until the Mother of the Gremlin told me that aside of the frantic arm waving, he also would yell various things to me like "Daddy, I want you stay home!" and "I love you! Don't leave!"

Well, as he realized his pleadings wouldn't work, he began going to direct action. He first struck as the weather turned cold. He noticed that daddy always made sure to have his special hat - one given to him by the MOTG for our first Christmas in our first house.


So one morning, after searching for his hat for 15 minutes, daddy ended up going to work anyway, just with a different hat. After daddy was down the block, the Gremlin left the window and went into his room. He emerged with daddy's lucky hat (above), and confessed to his mother that he didn't want daddy to go to work and took the hat to try to get him to stay. Yes, I really do like that hat that much.

His next try was more subtle. He realized that I had duplicates of all the winter garments I needed to be ready to brave the Chicago winter and decided to go for the other part of my morning - my lunch.

Being a young, fist-time home buyer with new car, new wife, and new child, I bring my lunch to work just about every day of the week. Most days I pack it, and the MOTG steps up to the plate when I'm unable to. Okay, that's a lie - my wife packs my lunch, and when she doesn't, I buy it. But anyway, I walked into the kitchen and the Gremlin was sitting on the counter pitching a fit.

"What's wrong?" The MOTG looked up as I asked her.

"I don't know. All day yesterday he was eating granola bars and mini-applesauces, and he just had two this morning. He freaked out when he saw me put them in your lunch." The Gremlin looked up as tears streamed down his cheeks.

In so many words, we found out that he was consuming these things so that I wouldn't have a lunch, and therefore wouldn't be able to go to work.

He Swears He's Not Bi-Lingual!

So the Mother of the Gremlin (MOTG) has come to the realization that she's not an intimidating presence in our son's life. This is good and bad. When he's being bad he goes straight for her, however it does make issuing instructions in possibly perilous predicaments problematic (hehe, alliteration is fun!).

Various things have been tried to combat this, and the MOTG has found that she sounds significantly more serious when she orders the Gremlin in Spanish. For instance, when he persisted in grabbing the laundry right after it was folded, his mother said

"AJ! No mas! No mas, arrieta!" (AJ, No more! No more, immediately!)

The Gremlin paused at this and considered his answer carefully.

"No, momma, I'm not going to stop, I don't speak Spanish."

"Oh really? Then how did you know that I asked you to stop?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, momma, be quiet."

Story Clarification

So I realized that I said, "he's doing it again" in my last post, and may not have fully expounded on what it was he was doing. So this post is a bit dated, going back to when the Gremlin was crawling. He was independent even then, with his various escape attempts and other escapades. Well, after baby-proofing the house, it would happen that either the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin) or DOTG (Dad of the Gremlin) would step out of the room to grab a phone, snag a bottle, burp cloth, or something of the sort.

When we would do these things, right after he started crawling at about 8 or 9 months, we'd always hear a thump right when we'd walk back into the room. It didn't matter where we were, if we were in the Gremlin's room, in the living room, in the kitchen, or at someone else's house. We naturally became concerned rather quickly, and set up a control.

One day, while the Gremlin was in his room, the DOTG got up under the guise of getting a phone (that's right, we had to set up a fake reason to get him to do it - he wouldn't do it otherwise). I left the room and stood at the door, leaving it just under halfway open. As I watched, he looked around to see if I was in the room, and then stood up. He walked over to his table and turned around, when I opened the door. He saw me, and dropped back down to his knees with a 'thump.'

For almost a week our son had not only been walking, but deliberately hiding it from us.

He Can Totally Read

He's doing it again. While most children delight in advancing, proving competency to their parents, and showing up their friends, the Gremlin has decided to do exactly the opposite. After spending weeks and weeks repeating various books we've read to him, we're just now finding out that he's picking up a few things here and there. His grandmother came in town from California over Thanksgiving, and brought him whiteboard flash cards that also had traceable letters for things like cat, dog, boy, girl, etc... and he's been putting them and his vocabulary to good use. We're glad he's finally doing this, because before these cards, we had only our suspicions.

Like when we were walking into Half Priced Books last month and the Gremlin pointed to a sign, asking what it meant. When his mother told him it was an emergency lane for rescue vehicles, he corrected her, "Momma, it's a fire lane." But when we asked him to repeat it, he talked about how he wanted to go look at the books. And then again at the bank he again asked for a sign to be read at the ATM. Again, when the word 'bank' was omitted, he corrected his mother, and then refused to bring it up again.

Already Outsmarting Us

So this morning the MOTG (Mother of the Gremlin), and the Gremlin decided they needed chocolate and went to Dunkin' Donuts. The MOTG ordered a chocolate donut and the Gremlin ordered a regular donut with chocolate frosting. Needless to say, he was so good on the way home that he was awarded his donut early, and finished it before they made it into the apartment.

I should explain that we live up 3 flights of stairs, and no matter what time of year it is, everyone is always sweating by the time they get all the way up the stairs. So the MOTG puts the Dunkin' Donuts down on the window sill by the couch and goes into the kitchen to get milk, a towel, and various other Gremlin-related cleaning/feeding items.

"Hi Mommy!" She looked down to see the dark little face staring up at her.
"Wow, I didn't think you had that much chocolate on your face before."
"Mommy, I need to show you something!" He took her by the hand and started pulling her into his room.
"Buddy, I need to get you cleaned up and settled so I can sit down and relax."
"No, Mommy! I need to show you something now!" And he pulled her into his room and sat the MOTG by his train tracks.
"Okay, Momma. Wait right there."

So the MOTG waited. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes she realized the Gremlin had closed the door when he left, so she scooted over and cracked it open. This was just in time to see the Gremlin stuff the last bite of her donut in his face.

"Hghf, Mgrhfmma!"

The look of shock on the MOTG's face must have said it all, because the Gremlin spit out the half-chewed bite.

"Mfg, sorry Momma! I share with you." After the chocolate-stained hands and face of the the Gremlin had been cleaned, the MOTG sat on the couch and started trying to regain her composure. The Gremlin walked himself out of the bathroom and sat down in time out. Even after his mother called for him to come over, he stood up, went into her purse, picked out a $10 and came back over.

"Here you go, Momma, we can go back to Dunkin' Donuts!"

"I smell something!"

The Gremlin pushed his trains into the living room the other day - he's super excited about Thomas, and all the things that go with it. He was leading, of course, with the one that made noise. Daddy foolishly bought "James" (his favorite, according to the Gremlin) not realizing it not only lit up, but also made "chuff chuff" noises when the wheels turned AND (even better!) made whistle noises when you pushed the button on the top of it.

James was immediately followed by Lady (the Gremlin's favorite, according to him), who was purchased when the 'Baba Fairy' came, but that's another story (specifically, the one before this). Right after lady was Percy (his favorite - are we seeing a pattern here?), and another train came along with the coal cars.

Well, James' train came in, and immediately had to "park." Of course, the parking moved depending on where Mommy and Daddy were, and today, it was right behind my feet. After a brief, but logical discussion of where to park ("James has to park there." "But my feet are there." "Okay, move them!" "That was not a nice way to ask, and I was here first." "Please move them?" "Buddy, I was here first. You need to get used to sharing things and space with people." "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"), the Gremlin calmed down and decided to try his other train. ("Coal car has to park there." "Sigh.")

Attempting to plead his case, the Gremlin scaled the couch to show Daddy that they were both at the same level. Halfway up the couch, the Gremlin froze. He smiled, and dropped into his father's lap.

"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"I love you sooooo much!"
"Thank you, buddy, I love you too."
"Daddy."
"Yes?"
"Daddy, I smell something." Uh-oh.
"What do you smell?"
"Chocolate." Dang!
"Really?"
"Can I have some pleeeeeeeeeease?"

That's right, he smelled Oreos on my breath, and managed to score cookies out of it.